Originally Posted by redpepper
In the communication workshop I hosted last night the facilitator talked about something similar to what I have written here. She spoke a lot about how needs are at the root of all communication and that needs are always the positive. If we find the *need* in each other and go from there then we will be allowed to be vulnerable to each other and help each other reach our goal of meeting our needs. Which brings us closer together and makes us all connected. She said that all human beings in her belief want to give and be useful and helpful. Its one of the most universal and basic needs. Therefore we deeply need to find ways to connect through helping fulfill our needs and others.
Unfortunately we get caught up in our practice of diagnosing others, judging (which is really a guise for a need not being met), demanding from others and blaming others for our interpretation of what has happened in our lives, not for what actually has happened (the bare none facts). All these things keep us from looking at and living in what we need and working towards getting it. If we start really thinking every moment what our needs are and being interested in other peoples needs then our connections and communication would make our lives more joyous. Also a need. The need for joy.
She talked about relationships being a series of saying *please* and *thank you* to each other. Similar to my idea about being a good *guest* in each others lives and a good *host* to others in ours. I see how saying please help me with my need to be loved, respected, independant, to be help you etc. And thank you for helping me with my need to be cared for, be listened to, be able to care for you.
I'm still mulling it all over in my head. There is so much to process in it all. I find it so exciting!
Many of the books that are listed in our forum book section she quoted from or used the theory from not just Dr. Marshall Rosenbergs book, "non violent communication."
Hi Redpepper et al,
first time on this site-great to see genuine discussion!
Yep I too really like your host/guest analogy BUT I think there's a shadow side to our 'universal need for connection' (belonging/love) which is our equally basic need for separation (freedom/hate) I believe this has to be acknowledged and allowed to be creatively expressed (somehow...) in any honest and satisfying relationship. Whatever boundaries we set ourselves part of us wants to break them, what do you think? X