Originally Posted by biglover
Is this an overreaction to a small detail, or is it legitimate? I have spoken to some other friends and they have said i'm in the right, but is there some giant poly no-no that i just committed?
The only "absolute" poly no-no is going behind your partner's back, lying about being in a relationship, because that's cheating. Everything else is based on agreements between the people involved, which vary from relationship to relationship.
My suspicion is that your partner is reacting more out of insecurity about the whole poly thing, and using the bedding (and jacket) as something to fixate on.
The reason is, I just can't understand a reasonable person getting THAT mad and STAYING that mad over bedding. If you made a mistake in misunderstanding the rule, and you've apologized and promised not to repeat the mistake, then that should be the end of it.
When I was new to poly, I used to jump on all the stupidest little things because I was insecure about my partner being with others, and rather than dealing with my feelings, I was trying to tell myself it was all good. Eventually I realized that fixating on small "concrete" details was a coverup for dealing with my feelings.
It's always touchy to talk to your partner when you suspect they may not be being true to themselves, but that might help. If she's not ready to admit it, she may deny it and insist that it's just the bedding that she's upset about.
In that case, all you can really do is keep saying sorry about the sheets, get her jacket cleaned, even go the extra step and have the bed steamed if that will make her feel better, and hope that next time is better.
Has your partner met the other woman? It might help if she realizes the woman is a real person, not just a faceless cootie-maker