So things are better with me and Mark. I think it's just lack of sleep and connectedness since we haven't seen each other for so long. Add that to his excitement and we were off the rails.
Anyway, we've continued working on things. I just told him I didn't want to hear any more about that site. I suspect I'll still be frustrated when I see the stupid new clothes his sister helped him pick out. Of course, I hate his sister (no real reason, she just irritates me in a lot of ways) so there's some irrational spillover there I'm sure.
I have an interesting situation that I'm still figuring out how to handle, actually.
So, I know it's silly but I'm kind of excited right now. I met a guy back in March briefly but didn't chat with him much. We ran into each other again at a bdsm party on the weekend and he gave me a lovely footrub. And the level of deference! What can I say? Submissiveness really, really turns me on. He offered to carry my toy bag to the dungeon, and after he gave me the massage he thanked me for allowing him to serve me. So good.
At any rate, since the party, we've been chatting nearly every evening for a few hours, and pretty much none of it sexual. Just getting to know each other. It's a really good sign when we don't run out of things to say. He even fixed a problem I was having with my computer!
Being kinky, I find, makes communication much easier. Instead of beating around the bush, we talked about if this was potentially going somewhere, and I said I was definitely interested in sex and we'd see where it would go from there. Then we got to have the fun sex talk etc. But aside from that I'm just genuinely enjoying getting to know him. I'm not sure how compatible we are in terms of fetishes, but enough to have a little fun at least. And either way, he's very respectful and I like him. And go figure- he's a 91% match on OKC. He lives in another city an hour away, but at least he drives!
I've got some thinking to do, though. Certainly, if I start seeing Greg I won't have room in my life for any more relationships. I'm wondering if I even have time to spend a weekend or two with Greg a month. I want to make sure I have time with Mark, too. I have no plans to stop seeing John, either. So I know I'm overthinking for now since I haven't even fucked Greg yet or played with him, but it's on my mind. I know that both time and emotional energy are finite.
I'm used to having one "real" relationship plus a handful of more casual partners on the side. That was easy to manage. No expectations or whatnot with the casual people, we saw each other or talked whenever we did. But when I have a D/s relationship I put a lot of myself out there, and it requires a more intimate connection for me. So can I give that to two men enough to meet their needs? Obviously everyone knows about everyone, although Greg has never dated a married woman, let alone one who already has another submissive. I know he's concerned about jealousy, and I can't blame him since it's all new to him. I just feel pretty good about the communication here since we've already done a lot of talking. Since he's new, he wanted to know about how things operate vis a vis my marriage and boundaries and whatnot, and we're on the same page, so that's good.
There's another party in Greg's city in a week and a half and he's invited me to go with him and stay at his place, and then he'll drive me home the next day. If I don't have any plans with H, I'm going to go. Might as well see where this goes.He makes me laugh and the level of respect and attention he gives me is intensely erotic for me. And it really is flattering- as soon as he sees me online I get a message. I like that
It's gotten pretty intense. We Skyped last night for more than four hours, and it was only tangentially sexual. More of us getting to know each other. We never ran out of things to talk to. The NRE is starting to hit me and we haven't even kissed, let alone played or fucked.
Actually, what is kind of triggering me a bit is realizing this is how it was for me with L, the man that caused me to start this thread. I was head over heels for him fairly early in our relationship and I did stupid stuff. I know now a huge part of it was my inexperience and I won't make the same mistakes twice, but I still worry a little. The chemistry and connection is intense. I had thought this was just going to be a casual fuckbuddy type thing but it's relatively clear that that is not the direction this is going.
So I don't know. Or rather, I do know. I'm going to explore because I'm headstrong and I just don't want to stop myself. But at least I'm going in with my eyes open this time.