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Old 05-26-2014, 05:55 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 3,223
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I'm trying to make up for a month of uncomfortable silence and distance she created by hiding that she found someone who she loved and vice versa.
If you lost some trust in her because of the secrecy isn't rebuilding that trust something you work on together?

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I was dealing with emotions but not about another living person. Was dealing with a death I should of faced a year ago.
That's a separate thing. I'm sorry for your loss.

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I'm new to the idea that you can love more than one person in a romantic way. I'm new to the idea that love and passion for another person is a person to person basis. I'm waiting to learn this way, expand my mind and thought process about love. I have a large heart and my love language is quality time. I'm literally relearning to love someone who has a very different way of showing love.
Perhaps you and she could look at love theory -- and use that to better pinpoint what it is you want in the way of "love" and what it is she can offer you? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Triangular_theory_of_love

Some clarification there might be helpful.

You might also consider your personalities. If one is very super independent (call it a 1) and another is very super "do things together" (call it a 10) -- that's going to be a big gap to try to bridge. The independent person will feel stifled going one way and the together person will feel lonely going the other way. Where a person who is independent but more like a (3) and a person who likes to do stuff together but not necessarily lots like a (7) would have a smaller gap to bridge and might feel more comfortable doing it.

In the end it will boil down to are YOU getting your needs met here often enough to feel good? Is the way she expresses love meeting those needs?

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Idk, I hope this was more clear. I'm not looking for pity or to be over analyze... Just looking for a place to come when I'm needing help wrapping my head around some basic things (or it seems) to the people in this community.
Every polyship is DIY -- there is no standard operating procedure. It is up to the people in the polyship to decide and agree on what open model they want to practice and define the boundaries that helps them feel safe enough to carry on together.

If you are looking for info perhaps one of these helps:

http://www.practicalpolyamory.com/do...documents.html
http://www.kathylabriola.com/article...u-in-poly-hell
http://www.serolynne.com/polyamory.htm
http://openingup.net/resources/free-...om-opening-up/

There's lots to read off those pages.

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I'll add one last thing. Me and this guy don't speak but both know about each other. Is that normal and does that line ever get crossed?
That's one way to go. Another is that you become friends. Again, this is all very DIY and up to the people participating and what they feel like. There is no "standard" model.

Galagirl
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