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Old 05-26-2014, 04:59 PM
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Marcus Marcus is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Portland, OR
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Originally Posted by Lovewithus View Post
She also said she loves him, loves me but isn't in love with anyone nor does this mean she can't be in love with one or both of us at some point.
Do you know exactly what that means?

It sounds like you are very comfortable having conversations on this kind of level but, are you clear on what information is actually being exchanged? I ask that because I have exactly no idea what was just said. "love" but not "in love" is so vague as to be counter productive.

If you aren't clear on what is actually being said then I suggest moving toward more concrete concepts like "how much time will we spend together" and "how much information will we share about each others lives"... love is pretty but it's not exactly descriptive.

Originally Posted by Lovewithus View Post
I'm new to the idea that you can love more than one person in a romantic way. I'm new to the idea that love and passion for another person is a person to person basis. I'm waiting to learn this way, expand my mind and thought process about love.
Check out Compersion, it is the word many of us use to describe feeling good about our partner experiencing joy with other partners.

Originally Posted by Lovewithus View Post
I have a large heart and my love language is quality time. I'm literally relearning to love someone who has a very different way of showing love.
As I said before, love is quite simply not enough. This feeling of love is great (and torturous) but it isn't what makes relationships last in a healthy way. Common interests, compatible worldviews, compatible love languages, personality chemistry... these are things which make or break a relationship as they are concrete ideas which actually exist. Love is a catch-all phrase used to imprecisely encapsulate a range of hormonal responses and social assumptions.

She seems fiercely independent, which may or may not blend well with someone who has a high need for quality time. I had a recent relationship with a person who needed a great deal of reassurance and quality time but I (not unlike your gf) am not interested in communicating that way. I did my time, spent the energy I thought I needed to, but it made me totally miserable and just built resentment. At this point in my life if I discover I'm getting involved with someone who needs that from me I simply need to break it off.

I'm not trying to be a bummer, but this deck is really stacked against you getting what you want.

Originally Posted by Lovewithus View Post
Me and this guy don't speak but both know about each other. Is that normal and does that line ever get crossed?
Everyone does it differently. If you want that line to be crossed give him a call, if you don't then let it stay where it's at. Personally I prefer to let a metamour (this other guy is an example of your metamour) relationship develop or not as it organically seems to want to.
Me: male, 43, straight, non-hierarchical, independent
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