I have a male lover and I am his secondary. He loves me just as much as his primary but in a different way. I would not be willing to be as involved with him on a daily basis as she is, so we only see each other occassionlly. I'm sure there are times when he is gushing about me to her and I know there are times when he is gushing to me about her. Fortunately she and I get along good, but that doesn't mean that when she's with him that she wants to hear all about me. And sometimes, I don't see the need for us to have to talk about her. One rule of thumb I would suggest and it's something I try to practice. Be with the one you are with. In my opinion, it is far more valuable to occasionally spend time with both of your partners (together) so that they can get to know one another and come to terms with the relationship dynamics you have with each of them.....they can observe......this is so much more valuable than all the talking you could do about your other lover. It's so much easier to accept something you can observe and see. On the other hand, the visions a person creates in their mind can be quite elaborate and way out of reality.
The key to life is in being fully engaged and peacefully detached simultaneously and authentically in each moment.