Originally Posted by Ariakas
Your statement about being able to find someone better suited and that causing a breakup is an odd one. I don't think I have ever read anyone that is poly say this (I have only been reading on this for 6 months). You love you SO, finding someone as a better fit would simply expand not destroy, in theory. I find it interesting that you mention that.
I actually agree with you. I don't think that's going to happen with me
because I have no interest in "trading" one partner for another. But I felt like I had to acknowledge that it is theoretically possible that one of us might end up with someone else, or someones
else, and not with each other, i.e. we could break up. But as I said, that could happen with or without poly.
I think maybe he is just more serial monogamy minded, and in his mind it makes sense that if you find someone you like, you want to "go off and be with them," as he puts it. That really isn't
what I want, but at the same time, if my seeing someone else makes him shut completely down and become an un-partner to me because he assumes the end is nigh, then the end would
probably happen...even though I am not interested in "trading him in." The end of the marriage would become a self-fulfilling prophecy, simply because he is not participating in the marriage. And as hard as I try, I cannot sustain a relationship with someone who has decided I am inevitably leaving.
Does that make sense?