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Old 04-16-2010, 07:42 PM
noob noob is offline
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 58
Default can i trust him to tell me if he is upset?

My husband is taking the news of my burgeoning relationship with M pretty well...or seemed to be. Lately he is quieter. I talk about M, just basic things he's telling me about his life, not about "us" or anything, and husband has very little to say. Part of it, I think, is M is going through some emotional/relationship things that my husband cannot relate to (he's a little mind blind, in general)...but part of me wonders if he is tiring of the whole V dynamic here.

However, when I ask, he claims that he is fine "for now," that he is not upset with me or the situation...the most negative thing he has said is that "opening up" could lead to us finding other people we are better fits with and ending the marriage. And I have tried to say, yes, it could, but that could happen, open or not. And I have no more intention of our marriage ending now than I ever did before (which is true).

I just don't know, though...could he be really upset about this and just not speaking up? I worry he will go along acting like everything is is fine until one day BLAM!--He's just done with me, no warning. But if he did that, I think it would be terribly unfair to me, and I would be uber-pissed--since I have tried my very best to give him opportunities to express fear, reservations, discomfort. I can't be responsible for addressing issues I don't know are issues, you know?

He is not good at talking about emotional things. He would be the first to tell you that. So that makes it tricky to know if maybe he is upset, just not telling me; and it also makes it tricky to know how to approach him to find out how he's feeling...because asking him how he's feeling/talking/constantly rehashing is not going to make him more comfortable. Far from it.

I wonder if maybe he wants a DADT kind of situation? But I, on my end, do not want that from him. If he were interested in someone else, I would want to know.

Can anyone provide any insight?
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