Oh the journey I've been on! But last weekend, I believe, we finally arrived. After my last post, our world fell apart. Friends were supportive, but life was hard in our small community. I didn't speak to L for months. I first focused on fixing things with A, who I had betrayed and hurt so terribly. I balanced trying to be honest about how I felt about L and understanding that her hearing I had strong feelings for him was threatening. We had many difficult conversations, and, unfortunately, when L 'came clean' he didn't actually tell her the truth, so that came out slowly over a year and a half. She would ask me direct questions, and I couldn't lie any more, so the truth would come out. Her and I worked hard to regain our friendship, and it is now better than before.
About three months ago she came over to have dinner with me and my husband. Wine and a hot tub, as well as the first conversation that the three of us had had about everything that had happened, seemed to set a stage. We ended up having a threesome. Her and L had got back together, broken up, got back together, and then broken up again. I had had one brief conversation with L in the year and a half, which is quite the accomplishment in a town our size. Nonetheless, I cautioned A that I am not interested in keeping secrets, so she told L the next day what had happened with the three of us. The result? Angry emails directed at me. He couldn't get mad at them, but he could get mad at me. Eventually I called truce and suggested he and I talk in person. So we did, and SEVEN HOURS later (we had a lot to talk about) We're done talking and are now making out. What a backslide.
A is not upset about it, but L is all confused and starts to backpedal. Meanwhile, my husband and A continue to sleep together. It's kind of hot! Then I go away, and get an email that L, A, and my husband had had a threesome! WTF!? I'm amused, impressed, but also a little irritated with L. Where was I in all of this?
L sends me a few emails checking in, and eventually we go for a walk to talk. He's honest, he loves me, is attracted to me, but doesn't feel it's right for where he is right now. He wants A back, and that's his priority. I'm honest about my feelings, and we have a good chat. Both A and L have said that they are being more honest with each other than they have every been in their 12 year relationship.
Then last weekend... a party goes late. A and my husband start to make out outside. L notices, gets agitated, and comes to me. I reassure him that all is okay, and to just relax and enjoy. Next thing I know, him and I are going at it, and then we all head out to their camping trailer. The trailer starts a rockin'
Him and I on one side, A and hubby on the other. We switched up in the end and it was awesome!
So far, everyone is pleased, no one is jealous, and the possibilities are endless.... But stakes are high! Nervous about the pitfalls, but hoping good communication can get us through. I never stopped feeling for L, and I finally feel whole again. That, and me and hubby have been having phenomenal sex every day since
A long road, but we've finally got somewhere I'd like to stay!