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Old 05-21-2014, 02:09 PM
annakas annakas is offline
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 12

Hey Ace as a fellow Grey A/demisexual I am sorry for the confusion and pain you are feeling, but suppressing your feelings will not work and will make things only worse for yourself and your friendship with your friend.

My advice for you would be is to confess your feelings for you friend and see where the chips will fall. This is the only emotionally healthy way to resolve the situation for yourself and for your friendship.

Whether you like to admit it or not but your friendship has already changed irrevocably by you falling in love with your friend. That is a fact.

Like you can see suppressing your feelings and not confessing is already causing trouble with your ability to be a genuine friend and it is not working for you since jealousy and resentment is growing despite your best efforts to not feel like that.

I bet your friend is also feeling that something is off between your interactions but she doesn't know what, so she might feel guilty and confused, so by confessing to her she can also be a better friend to you than she currently is.

Because currently she is being unintentionally dinging your emotional health when she waxes poetic about her boyfriend and their sex-life to you, she doesn't know that those TMI talks cause you nothing but pain and no one wants to hurt their friends because of obliviousness.

If it is a true and deep friendship then your confession of feelings will not destroy it, even if things will be awkward and tense for a while. By confessing the both of you can have better boundaries in this new situation until things stabilize and the both of you find a new normal for your friendship.

I don't mean for you to just drop the confession of your feelings bomb on her and leave her hanging in how she should handle the new situation.

Sadly a lot of women are often socialized to be passive and too polite when someone shows interest in them, even when they are not interested in return. This is especially relevant when friends confess, because women can pressure themselves to give someone a chance because they feel guilty/pity ect that they don't feel the same. They are afraid to hurt their friend so they go against their own feelings by either being too kind waffling in their refusal or in worse case try to fake the return of said feelings.

So when you confess tell her also what you need from her if the feelings are not returned so you could move on/preserve the friendship ect , that way you both will not flounder. Tell her that if the feelings are not returned that you need from her a very firm but polite refusal that will dash any hope for you, that way you you can start to mentally and emotionally move on and find ways to preserve the friendship in a platonic setting.

By confessing you are also giving her a chance to not unintentionally lead you on or ding you with TMI talks about her boyfriend.

By not confessing you have put yourself in to a very emotionally toxic situation that is slowly poisoning your friendship, because there is too much going on underneath that needs to come out. By trying to suppress your feelings you are only magnifying them.
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