All of your answers were so incredibly helpful and supportive I want to quote and reply to each one! I am so very glad to have people on this board. I want to try to hit some of the questions I can without boring you all.
I agree with everyone I need to figure out what I want with or without each man and I don't have to go, im poly! or im mono! cause maybe how I identify is about the relationship I'm in and not who I am. I also agree with you all I shouldn't be down on poly cause other people are divorcing/closing, cause I alos know plenty of mono relationships falling apart. Actually I think Nudge's was before they were poly (and mine too).
TO answer SPARKLEPOP's question: Do you feel like your boyfriend offers practically everything you want in a partner, but feel stuck because he wants to be poly? Do you struggle with poly despite him dealing with it wonderfully?
Yes and no. My boyfriend is good about relationships...but when I felt better with hubs, he would work with me to set boundries and guidelines that made us comfortable. Nudge wont do that, he will say his dating will not infringe on our time together but I can ask for nothing else. Could we not see other people while we are bothing straightening out our marriages? I haven't asked because with him, I always fear I can not pin him down on anything.
Yes, reference to old posts...always had an issue with his wife, he sees why now (though I have nothing to do with their demise)
GALAGIRL: Id take monoamorous or monagomous with BF (cant spell today). Well, I have kids...he doesn't. it cause a big gap between us. Also I think we'd both be a long way from an actual "split" with our partners. but if he asked me to move in with him....would I? Probably. but im not positive. He also says he has a bad taste in his mouth right now for mono
You hit the nail on his head with not dealing with new Metas (re BF dating). I had such a bad experience with his wife...I cant handle other women coming into his life right now. And because we have nothing but words binding us together, I don't feel entirely secure. My therapist even agrees I give him more security than he does me. lol
I think I new I was using poly as a bandaid. My spouse and my troubles go far back...many years. His depression mostly...we've almost divorced twice already and this stand off is time number 3. I don't know if I want that to end....I don't feel very romantic with him, but I care for him, I enjoy his friendship, and raising our children together.
My BF I don't want to loose at all. after a year and a half im so freakin in love with him. I do feel guilty Ive let that surpass my marriage but I was already more into him than my spouse when I asked to be poly.
Again, thanks to all of you <3
keep on keeping on