View Single Post
Old 05-20-2014, 03:35 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 6,341

I'm not sure I can/want to do this anymore.
Well, your willingness to participate is allowed to change/evolve over time. Nobody is static.

You ability to keep doing it can also change as resources change (ex: time, money, energy) and willingness changes.

Being mono with the BF isn't an option...
WHICH mono? Monoamorous with your BF? Or monogamous?
  • because he doesn't want to Close?
  • Because you don't want a divorce?
  • Other reasons?

and I don't want to be with hubs (not right now anyway).
  • Is this chronic or more a feeling that will pass once you solve whatever the problems are that you are having right now together?
  • Are you inclined to wait and see or not?

It bothers be very much when my boyfriend dates.
  • Is it because you want more attention/support right now from BF as you face problems in the (you + husband) layer?
  • Or because you prefer to relate in a Closed relationship at this time and not deal in new metas?
  • BOTH?
  • Something else?

I fear I only became poly to avoid a crumbling marriage.
  • Do you mean you have come to understand/know this consciously at this point in time and credit polyshiping with bringing it to light?
  • Or do you mean that you knew it all along but are more ready to "own" it at this point in time?
  • What would you like to do? Do you want to end the marriage?

Any input on how I could still see poly as this great thing in all this?
What stopped being great about poly for you? You do not articulate.

It's part of the price of admission to relating with other people to risk that you will change, feelings will change. So will all the other players -- you do not exist in a silo. The shape of the relationship (monoships, polyships, etc) doesn't really matter. In all of the shapes -- the individuals can grow together or can grow apart.

I think could be sensitive to the relationships around you that are drawing to a close right now, and not noticing those that are thriving or just starting out. But THOSE relationships are not YOUR relationships, so could focus on dealing with the ones you have to deal with.

Without know what your purpose is in relating with these folks -- it's hard to give better feedback. But I'm very sorry you are struggling right now and I hope you feel better for airing out a bit.

Hang in there,


Last edited by GalaGirl; 05-20-2014 at 03:55 AM.
Reply With Quote