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Old 05-18-2014, 03:48 AM
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Bluebird Bluebird is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Maryland
Posts: 1,201

Tired at the moment.

Today was a good day. LordTenderHeart has moved on and things should reach a new normal soon as PunkRockAwesomesauce can now move in the rest of his stuff as time permits.

DarkKnight was on-call for work today, so PunkRock and I took my youngest to the Gay Pride event in our town this afternoon. A lot of my friends were there and PunkRock won a silent auction item. We were there for about an hour and it was fun.

I had amazing sex with PunkRock before and after the event. He just completes me. Sigh. He told me tonight at one point that he just feels so connected to me. I am not sure how I feel about this. I love him lots, but I am still struggling with the idea that he is going to continue to be ok with me being poly. I feel this energy between us sometimes - it is just this brightness of being, yeah, a connection. I wonder a lot if our relationship continues to grow deeper and stronger, if he will be less content with sharing time. I certainly hope so. I suppose I will just continue on with the way things are going.

DarkKnight and I had cuddle time tonight and watched Frozen together on the couch in the living room. (I bought new furniture and I love all the pillows!) It was sweet! Afterward we had sex, which was also amazing. I hadnt been with him in a sexual way since last Friday, so over a week. I had propositioned him many times this week, but he was either too tired or too busy, so it was nice to finally get a yes. Actually, he initiated it, which was great. He almost never does that.

Yesterday evening kind of sucked. I did have a lot of fun playing Zombicide with PunkRock's friends at the game store, but we drove there separately because PunkRock was at work, so that meant we had to drive home separately. I arrived home at midnight, PunkRock didn't show up until almost 2 am! This had me very upset. One being that I was starting to fear something had happened, like an accident. Second, because I was super tired and had to stay up waiting for him to arrive. 3rd being that I was thinking that we'd have sex when he got home and then he didn't get home! It was frustrating. Add that on to the fact that we hadn't had sex already for over a day and I was wigging out a bit. I fell asleep masturbating - I kept thinking he'd be home soon, so I didn't let myself cum. Oh, and I had just recently changed out to my new Invisalign aligner, so my teeth were hurting like mofos.

Anyway, I tried to initiate things with him, but he went and showered, and then came back and we talked for a while. After I told him my unhappiness, he tried to initiate sex, but I felt it was just pity sex so I rejected it and told him how it made me feel worse. The whole thing just made me feel discounted and my needs, unimportant. Honestly, it was communication again. If he had texted me when I told him I had arrived home, that he hadn't even left yet, I would have gone to bed.

All this is over and done with though - like I said, we had great times together today and we've talked it all out now.
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