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Old 05-14-2014, 03:42 PM
Araneidae Araneidae is offline
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Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 7
Default On poly and having kids

I've searched extensively online for people with experience in this department, but most articles/blogs I've tracked down are about raising kids in a poly family, less about the decisions involved in having kids in a poly family.

A little background about my situation-- Last year, I went from being single to dating an amazing man, D, who was in an open relationship with his wife, S. She had a long-term outside partner, and he had begun dating for the first time ever. Soon enough our structure became a solid poly-fidelity situation. S's partner was also married and has a long history of poly relationships. So I came in as the outsider... I wasn't originally interested in poly, I was just interested in having a relationship with this one person. Since then, they have welcomed me as part of their family, and though S and I don't have an amazing relationship, we get along fine. They also have a 3-year old daughter, and I have a great relationship with her. She's not at the point of understanding what poly is yet, but she knows there are extra people around who care lots about her and we have fun times.

I'm not sure if anyone is in a similar situation, so I'd like some feedback or to hear some experiences. I'm a young woman who is interested in having children and a family some day, and I also love my partner deeply. I'm in a very rigorous career track however (starting medical school in the next year), so having children is 4-5 years down the road minimum for me, and would require a lot of support. D and I have discussed the possibility of children, and both he and his wife are open to it. They are also interested in having at least one more child themselves. We've talked about how "strange" this potentially could be, at least by typical society standards. People find polyamory odd enough, but the potential of raising half-siblings in one poly family? On the pros side, we've also discussed that it makes things potentially easier to have so many people available for childcare, and the extra income that could be combined.

I'll also point out that S's other partner is not interested in having children at all with anyone, so this hasn't been a factor.

Has anyone experienced anything like this? What are the emotional consequences of being in a poly relationship when two or more individuals are considering having children? I'm a little worried that I would have difficulty handling the process of S becoming pregnant and them having another baby together, but I've tempered these feelings with the reassurance that it's also an option for me with this family (some day).
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