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Old 05-14-2014, 05:16 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Alaska
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I think they do. Always. And I rarely agree with using always (or never).


"does this make me look fat?"-overweight spouse

Honest:
"I think by your question you feel uncomfortable and self conscious in that. I want you to feel proud and confident when we are together, lets find something that helps you feel that way."

Asshole:
"How the hell am I supposed to answer that?"
Or
"yes"

Lying:

"i would never notice"
Or
"no"

If we bother to take the time to consider the REAL conversation and the "deeper" truth before we open our mouths, I think we will find that TRUE honesty (opposed to radical honesty) is always kinder and more humane.

Of course; that is my personal opinion.
I committed to no more lying, about anything, September 25, 2009. I have kelt my word on that. Sometimes it required me to respond to questions with "I really don't know the true answer to that right now." sometimes I had to say things I knew were upsetting, and that meant taking time to find the loving way to say it.
But it has strengthened all of my relationships. I don't speak every thought i have. No one needs to hear my OCD bullshit, I don't need to repeat the insanity that depression pushes through my head, irrational fears don't need strengthened by me claiming them to be the truth.
It is true these things are in my head and if asked what is in there I am honest. But I am also open about the irrationality of such thoughts.
I don't hide the truth or keep secrets (lies of omission) and I don't try to make excuses for lies by calling them small or white lies.
I do answer at times with "I think you would prefer to wait and be surprised on Christmas/your bday" or "I don't think anything i was thinkin is worth repeating" or "I know you are self conscious about your stretch marks and weight, lets work together to get the photo that makes you feel beautiful."
Then: I follow through.
I don't pretend that what is there isn't or what isn't there is.
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