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Old 04-16-2010, 09:07 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 5,510

...I did let her down,never the other way around. But what you don't seem to realize, MS,is that our whole lives together I was always there for her as she needed me to be. I made myself into what she needed, when she needed it. I felt a sense of purpose when I could provide her with something from my heart. I SHOULD still feel that way,and keep it up, but now there's confusion.

When Maca started being able to handle and do the things she was needing from me, I felt (working on letting this one go as we speak) I wasn't needed for those things any more,or until he stopped doing them again.

I ALWAYS stepped back because I ALWAYS felt I wasn't good enough for her to keep. I lied to myself into thinking that because the reality is, I never made the effort to take more. To me, that was intruding on her. "If she really wants me, she'll take me. SHE'LL make the move" that's how I thought. And so, because she never did, then I felt like I wasn't good enough. And I forced myself to be okay with just being her... best friend. Her support, her enabler,her comforter.

NOW, I realize the importance of WHO I am to her is more important to her than WHAT I can give her. NOW I really need to re-wire my thinking.

So, thank you for trying to help me see things differently.But please understand that I'm trying to understand the differences between S/O and BF that many, MANY other people have no problem differenciating. I WANT to love her the best way I can. So,maybe my definitions are different, or maybe there are things I just don't see or view the same way as others. But I DO know that in order to truly love someone, you have to give them the love they understand. It's kind of like Andy Kaufman (Jim Carey) in "Man on the moon". Andy is laughing about a joke he played and it pissed off a lot of people, and Danny DeVito was his agent and he was asking him, "Are you doing this to make THEM laugh, or to make YOU laugh?" (that's not word for word mind you).

Point is, I need to read that book and know what her love language is so that she'll know when I'm trying to be sincere.

I would do ANYTHING for her, but.. I'm a great servant. Just tell me what you need and I'll make it happen. (but it might take a little while if it means I have to re-wire myself =o) I don't know right now, how to "just do it because it's important to me". What's important to me is doing for her whatever she wants/ needs. I need to change that. I am beginning to UNDERSTAND the concepts, but I'm needing to start putting them in action.

"Love As Thou Wilt"

Last edited by LovingRadiance; 04-16-2010 at 09:09 AM.
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