Polyanomaly, I would also like to add to be gentle with yourself. Always, yes, but unconditional love is firstly within us for ourselves.
Unconditional love is loving ourselves no matter what conditions we see on the outside. While we are encouraged to think it's loving another person past conditions, it can't ever be unless we are doing that with ourselves first.
It's like the proverbial oxygen mask. We have to choose to be happy first and choose it first no matter what before we can ever presume to love another unconditionally.
When I started realizing that about me personally, it took a lot of the pressure off. Just mentioning it so it hopefully could have the same effect for you as well.