View Single Post
Old 05-10-2014, 08:22 PM
levidia levidia is offline
New Member
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 2
Post New Girlfriend to a Married Couple, Advice Appreciated!

Sorry for the long rant, but felt you guys might want to hear the full story before I ask all my unending questions.
I'm first and foremost so grateful to see so much resource and support on the net for a lifestyle that I have stumbled myself into. I'm very new to this, but so far, things have been going more or less like a dream to me. I was hoping to get more insight from people who are more experienced with this kind of lifestyle to help me in answering some of my questions and making sure I don't fall into certain pitfalls.

I'll start off with saying that I recently came out of a 5 1/2 year monogamous relationship with my ex-boyfriend. I was the one to end this relationship because I knew there was something in me that could not continue down the path our conventional relationship was going towards without doing my own soul-searching and exploration. When I broke this off, I swore off to getting myself into any other relationship so I could have some alone time and learn more about myself, which I never really gave myself the opportunity to.

At this time, I was quite close to a coworker. I never thought of pursuing him because he was married, despite knowing there was an attraction to him. Jumping past the development stage, my coworker and I had a very difficult time letting go of the attraction, in which we inevitably confessed to it to each other. His wife has been open and aware of his need to explore sexually outside of his life, which he has done so in his past, but she was not prepared to hear about him wanting another woman outside of a sexual relationship. We had a very bumpy beginning where him and his wife were conflicting on this situation. However, she eventually agreed to go with the flow and see where it takes her. I agreed to meet with her and it was that moment when we met up that changed everything. She could instantly understand why her husband liked me, and me for her. After that, we agreed that perhaps we can try this kind of relationship and see where it would take us.

So far, it has been on the most part amazing. We've done a lot of activities, both sexually and non-sexually together, and it feels so complete and natural when all three of us are together. I find it is an interesting dynamic where his wife and I did not develop any form of relationship to each other until we were already thrown into this. This is something Iím wondering if it is an issue? Based off of the other threads Iíve read, it seems that there was a friendship formed between both partners before entering into relationship. With her, I can see we are developing something special, but it is definitely not like the way I feel for her husband. I think the basis of our relationship is built off of a tender care and understanding for each other, where we can easily express our worries together without judgement, and that our main concern is for each otherís wellbeing.

It has only been a couple of months and we have been through some ups and downs. Both his wife and I have had some third wheely/jealousy feelings sprout out here and there, in which we have done our best to try to handle by talking it through and letting everyone know about. The wife and I never blame each other for it and actually talking to each other makes the jealous feeling go away faster, because the other person always gets where the emotion is coming from and is very understanding towards it.

Here are a few things I was wondering I could get more insights on, as to what you think is the best move to go through or if you see any red flags we should be aware of.

I came into their life knowing that they had some marital issues, specifically their ability to communicate to each other. Since I have entered into their life, both of them naturally are doing a little better at helping out their issue because I generally bring it out in the open. I also tend to be a mediator between the two to help communicate better. However, I donít know if for my wellbeing if it was a wise thing in general to enter this kind of relationship knowing that the two have personal problems that they need to solve? They both say that me being there for them has been extremely helpful, and the husband mentioned that if I werenít to be in it with them, that they could easily fall back into old habits. To me, I question whether or not they should rely on me to help themÖ maybe they should have done this on their own?

I am also fearful of not knowing how to continue in a long term polygamous relationship with a married couple. Iíve only ever been in a monogamous relationship, so my biggest fear is having a possessive feeling towards the husband as we get closer where I want to spend more and more time with him. I have a lot of care for his wife, and I love being with her too, but it doesnít feel quite as strong of an attraction as I do for her husbandÖCould it be because I only started developing a relationship with her after developing a relationship with her husband? I genuinely like her as a person, I find her an amazing woman and obviously have an attraction towards her since we can do things sexually together, but Iím not sure what our relationship completely is, or if it is at all influenced by both our strong love for her husband. The husband and I have an unexplainable connection that we have never experienced in anyone else and Iím fearful that having that connection with him and not her is something that doesnít make the relationship equal?

The other issue that developed from the get go of this relationship is that initially, the way we settled this was that I was suppose to be temporalÖI wanted to stay single in the beginning and soul search, so it was suppose to be that come summer time, I was suppose to go travel on my own for a few months and come back and we would deal with things then. However, my contract for my job has been extended to the fall so I would still be here for the summer, which worried his wife and worried me. His wife ultimately worries that her husband will leave the marriage for me (even though her husband has let both of us know that he would never leave), and I worry about falling too deeply in love with him and fearing my emotions at that point. The husband is the only person that is doing his best not to let fear take over him as he says he risks everything to maintain the harmony between the three of us. However, I donít know what the future hold for all three of us. I think for me personally, I donít know how to place myself because they are already married and I donít know where that leaves me in the long run?
If you can give me any advice, or raise any red flags for me (or the married couple as well), I would greatly appreciate it. Thanks so much for reading!
Reply With Quote