Thanks for the replies :-)
My religion has been less important in my life recently, and that started before I even met him. Just to clear that up. :-)
He is 22, which is only 3 years old than me. His birthday is a month after mine, so when we met I was 19 and he was 21. Not a big difference.
Yes, he has offered to let me meet her. He's afraid it'll erupt into a catfight or something though, because according to him she's not too keen on me either. I think for me, as much as i hate the idea of her, if I met her it would clear up some curiosity and therefore I might be able to come to terms with more aspects of it. I automatically look for the good in people just by my nature, so I know that I would look for something to like about her without even thinking, or I would at least appreciate her good qualities that i see. I'm capable of being civil, I think.
and yea, I understand that it's not his job to make me happy... sometimes I think i put that burden on him unfairly but I definitely try to seek my own happiness because I have always held dear to the notion of being one's own person and finding peace without having to rely on other people... but it's still really hard, you know?
and definitely, he is not my whole life and I don't want him to be. I make great efforts to see all my other friends, make new friends, talk to old friends, and be involved in my own activities. We have different interests, and I respect his hobbies even though I'm not interested in participating in them, and I don't expect him to be involved in all of mine. I have two jobs and am in college majoring in engineering, I was on the mock trial team last semester (he was on the model united nations team), I go to church occasionally, I moderate a feminist forum on the internet, I even joined the robotics club at school a couple of weeks ago... I am not at all afraid or worried about not having my own life and not being able to be fulfilled in doing the things I like and accomplishing my goals towards engineering and whatnot. He's in college too and majoring in something totally opposite, political science (that I'm also interested in, which provides us a common thing to talk about- we met at a history club at school actually). We have different ideas about a lot of things, different ways of spending time, different interests... I love the differences between us and the discussions (sometimes debates :P) we have about them and all that.
I mean, I could go on and on about the differences between us and the evidence that shows we totally have separate lives. Of course we have similarities or else we wouldn't get along, but you get the idea...
I just want him to be a part of my life, and I want to be a part of his life, too, you know?
oh, and i'm not interested in exploring sexual things/relationships with other people, even though he has no problem with it. I just have no interest. And yea, I know sex will be different with different people, but I don't think I could handle more than one person at this point, and I don't have any intrinsic desire to. I'm perfectly content with his body, his habits, his methods, his preferences, etc. and I don't want to push myself to be with another person purely for the experience.
Now, I have to clarify and say that *if* someone else *happens* to come along that catches my eye that I click with, then I might consider pursuing that... but I still don't know if I would be able to keep up two relationships, unless one was extremely casual and both guys didn't mind. I don't see that happening, though.
and that's a good point about appreciating what we have and not dwelling on what they're doing... I do notice i am the happiest & most at ease when I'm not preoccupied with it, and some times I am actually not concerned about it at all.
and yes, insecurities probably do come from something not being fulfilled... it might be communication problems we've had, or the fact that his stress & business has made it hard to spend much time with him, or to spend quality time with him when he's having to do other things when I'm around. It just got increasingly hard to feel like I was still connecting with him because he felt like he needed some time apart from people (not just me, all of his friends... for a little bit I was *literally* the only person he hung out with, and that wasn't even very often). There's probably more, too, like the fact that I was finally SO ready for a serious relationship and then it was like, ripped away from me. hmmm. been thinking about that, but I will have to figure out what else is making me insecure. I know I'm definitely afraid of losing him, or of him liking her more.
Thanks again for the advice :-) I didn't have time to read any other posts when I posted this one because I had to go to work, but I will read some other posts asap. I will also think about what y'all have said.
Last edited by Trying; 04-16-2010 at 03:56 AM.