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Old 05-08-2014, 01:05 PM
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Originally Posted by opalescent View Post
Hmmm. I guess I don't see poly as being more risky than monogamy. (I assumed the 'crazy rider' person is the poly person and the risk-averse person is the mono person. This may not be a correct assumption on my part.)
I realized after I posted it that this could come across as offensive, but I decided to leave it in, and not have to put a (sic) next to my edit.

The context this came out of was a new list member whose husband had dropped the poly bomb rather badly - this is what's happening, having her meet the couple he was talking with without understanding what was happening, and getting the "I love you but I'm not IN love with you" bomb dropped on her all at the same time. She reacted to the friend/child analogies with one of juggling chainsaws, so the "risky" thing was already built up.

However, from many mono people's point of view (not trying to make a broad generalization here - this is just from observation and experience), it *does* feel risky, though. What does our newly opened marriage even mean or look like now? Are you just going to leave me? Are you shopping around? Am I going to get an STD? Am I going to feel trapped and displaced in a financial/living situation with someone who moves someone else into my home? What does retirement even look like? What happens when I'm old? Can I count on you to be there for me?

It all deviates from script - the "I will be there for you, loving you, forever."

That said, it isn't just motorcycles that can run into problems; there are many more car accidents on the road. Likewise, monogamy isn't a silver bullet that eliminates these issues. It just makes you FEEL safer, even if you're going at unsafe speeds. Being on a motorcycle brings all those vulnerabilities to light.

I think I'm going to bring this discussion forward on the other thread, too - if you don't mind.

(Link to other thread, for those who are interested: http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=69928 )
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Dramatis personae:
Me: Mono. Divorced, two kids (DanceGirl, 13; and PokéGirl, 10), two cats, one house, many projects.
Chops: My partner. Poly. In relationships with me, Xena, and Noa.
Xena: Poly. In relationships with Chops and Noa, and dating others.
Noa: Married, Poly. In relationships with Chops and Xena (individually).

Blog thread: A Mono's Journey Into Poly-Land (or, "Aw hell, there's no road map?!")
Slightly more polished blog with a mono/poly focus: From Baltic to Boardwalk

Last edited by YouAreHere; 05-08-2014 at 02:32 PM. Reason: Added linky-poo
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