Again I find myself wondering how much is too much. I know I've written about that in this blog several times, but it keeps coming up when situations change. Me and rory talked about this and at the moment we both think we get quite a nice amount of time together. We decided to only organise a date night if it feels like we wouldn't get time otherwise. Quite often we just hang out at home together without needing a specific date night. We did make plans this week though since I had a date with Ray on Monday and one with Oliver coming up tomorrow, so I'm home less than usually. With Hank I feel like I definitely need a date night once a week. He can often be quite withdrawing, so I feel like we probably wouldn't get enough time together if we didn't set aside a date night.
Ray and I have been chatting quite a lot since our first date. It looks like he's coming to my place the next time we see each other, which then obviously also means that he gets to meet my partners. At least it's out of the way pretty quickly, we don't have to especially arrange him to meet them. I like Ray and I feel there's definitely potential there to become a regular thing. There's one thing I haven't felt in quite a while with a new person (meaning not including my partners): I think we want same things and feel the same way about each other. We're both enthusiastic about seeing each other again. There are no mixed messages or insecurity about whether there's mutual attraction. That feels good. Before we kissed the first time, he asked "Do you think there's a spark between you and me?", and I said "Yes, definitely."
We'll see how much time we're able to get with each other. He has one partner and one other person he's just started dating, so we both have scheduling to do.
I just had quite a difficult conversation with Maxine last week where I said I don't have romantic feelings for her and I feel a bit pressured in our FWB situation, because I get the feeling she'd like it to be more. She said she does have romantic feelings for me but obviously doesn't want to pressure me. She would still like to have sex sometimes if I want to. And I do, but I fear that I'm taking advantage of her feelings. We agreed that sex shouldn't be expected from now on, it happens if it happens, but I just need to feel less pressure in order to be able to do anything. We'll see how that goes.
Noah hasn't gotten back to me about meeting up, so I've decided to mentally let him go. I like him, but it's not looking like our feelings are on the same level, so best not to concentrate on him too much. I'll still see him if he wants to, but I'm done making moves on him. It's okay if we stay just as casual as we've been so far.
Things are in a flux all the time. I don't know what's too much, as long as I'm enjoying myself and not hurting other people too much while doing so. Or burn myself out.