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Old 05-06-2014, 11:10 AM
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Bluebird Bluebird is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Maryland
Posts: 2,484

Today is another day and I've decided to once again make this the best day of my life. I try to do that every morning, but perhaps not always at 6:46 am!

PunkRockAwesomesauce's cat woke me up - she was perched on the top of my bedroom chair, nosing apart the curtains so she could peek at the morning. This peek resulted in a long stream of sunlight highlighting my face. This didn't annoy me though - I smiled and took a picture. She has been so shy since moving in, and her being up and out, exploring, is a wonderful thing.

Last night DarkKnight and I had a good reconnection, though neither of us have felt estranged. We've just been apart nights since PunkRock doesn't have his bedroom set up yet and so by default, PunkRock has been in the master suite with me for several evenings. My husband is so sweet, and good and just all-around a wonderful human being. I aspire to be as patient and kind as he is, but it is definitely an innate personality trait that I don't possess. He holds me and I just feel like I'm home. There's no judgement, no worries, he's just - this is you and I totally and completely love who you are. Even when I KNOW I am being outrageously a princess, he doesn't just tolerate or accept my sassy self, he embraces my quirks and loves me for them.

Every day I am amazed at how lucky I am to have such a partner in my life.


Holy hell though, I have terrible cramps. Fuck you, period.

I read some GalaGirl posts on here today, and she is so intelligent about emotions! She puts into words what I try to do. Read this :

I cannot help what I feel when I feel it. Rain is rain. Sun is sun. Emotion is emotion. It just burbles up. I don't choose when it burbles. So just let it blow on through! Internal weather is only internal weather. So what? There's sunny days and stormy skies in there. And? It blows on through.

What I CAN control is how I choose to BEHAVE in response to that emotion.
I can choose to just REACT.
I can choose to ACT WITH INTENTION.
Even choosing to do NOTHING? That is a choice.

I can choose many ways to handle internal weather so that I move to sunny days faster. And I don't mind the stormy weather if it is navigated well. When else do you get rainbows? I love the bittersweet sweet moments. They can be so tender and dear.

But whatever choice I make? It's mine to choose. And I cannot escape the consequences of my choice.
Word. Yesterday, just writing about how crummy I was feeling was enough to get past it. Today is a new day, with new feelings to navigate. Onward and upward!

Oh! Godzilla shirts on sale, in my email this morning, making me wish I wasn't broke. Nothing I had to have, but plenty I'd love to wear! There was a Godzilla fighting the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man. That makes me smile - a lot! I hope the new movie is decent. Maybe I'll watch a marathon of old Godzilla movies today. I'll tell my daughter that homeschool is canceled in honor of awesome, and then we'll stay on the couch and eat Doritos all afternoon.

I am torn right now between going back to sleep or showering. I think I'll shut off the light and see if I can get back to dreaming.
A modern day polyamorous polygamist My Online Journal

Me, center of a MFM V-shaped polycule (40F)
Wife to DarkKnight (41M) & PunkRockAwesomesauce (44M)
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