So last night husband was with J. When he got home I gave him his "gush time" that was suggested to me. He talked about some of the things they did together. He talked about some of their topics of discussion. He went over how he felt about her and in comparison to me, of course there was no comparision.
We fell asleep happily in each others arms. I am happy to say I didn't stop here. I spent so much of last week trying to handle my feelings on my own that I figured I would try something different this time. So I took the gush time to her as well. She and I text all morning about her night with him and how she was feeling. I wanted to know her feelings of love and committment towards him. I wanted to know her lever of happiness. I wanted nothing left for my imagination to warp into worse case scenarios and drive me crazy.
This time there was so much talking but so much more understanding. I came away feeling so much more well informed. Husband wasn't sure how much he wanted me conversing with her but I feel it is important so that she and I can keep up our communication. Otherwise she is someone that is just sleeping with my husband and because the husband stealing bitch that she really isn't.
The three of us had lunch together today and curled up in each others arms at the state park to enjoy the beautiful day. I have to say with all the talking it was the most comfortable I have felt with the two of them. It still tugged and hurt to see them kiss but he would kiss me too. He kept the cuddling to both of us. She and I worked together to relax him. It was very pleasant.
Thanks for the advice and help so far.