I'm really sorry, but I'm lmao.
I read your first couple posts and thought-HUH wonder if that is KT's husbands girlfriend. And so it was.
As for respect, there is an amount of respect that must be earned. BUT it always works best if people "assume the best of intentions" of others.
I know SOMEONE will go on and on with "but... abuse..." Yeah I know.
However-the reality is that if you assume the best of intentions it promotes the likelihood of getting what you want.
If however you assume the worst of intentions it also promotes the liklihood of getting something-THE WORST of what they can give you.
It sounds to me like the biggest hindrance-based on BOTH your posts AND KT's posts is that you two are TOTALLY different types of people.
Ironically that is the BIGGEST issue that has ever arisen (more than once) between Maca and GG. They are SO completely different that they simply DO NOT understand each other. EVEN if it SOUNDS like they are speaking the same language-they aren't. They have different concepts of what the meaning is behind what they say and they CAN NOT correctly figure out the other person's goal, purpose, driving motivation etc. EVER.
ASSUMING THE BEST OF INTENTIONS from all 3 of you:
My advice is as follows,
Morningglory-you need to PRIORITIZE KT's needs.
KT-you need to prioritize Morningglory's needs.
That means you each need to identify your NEEDS (not wants NEEDS) clearly and concisely. Make a list.
10 each, no more, no less.
Take the next 3 months to focus on meeting those with and for one another.
NEEDS again-not wants. That means you don't put "x many days/nights with the man we both love." THAT is a WANT.
Second-the two of YOU need to be seeing the counselor. No argument that you all may need to EACH see one, but the two of YOU need to see a counselor WITHOUT the man.
Third-Morningglory-you need to understand that if you want to be a part of their family, you have a LOT of work to do with your husband (from the sounds of it) because it needs to be a TWO WAY STREET. Not sex, obviously he nor KT are in love with one another. But the welcome of your families needs to be mutual.
Fourth-All 4 of you as adults need to sit down in the next 6 months sometime-not longer than that, and figure out how you are going to deal with the kids. Are you "out" are you "in". Also-how are you going to deal with public? Out or in? Family members, which ones are you out or in with and why. Friends-out or in.
This should be a JOINT decision that takes ALL parties feelings into consideration.
It is reasonable to expect to make progress in our lives.
BUT WHAT ARE YOU PROGRESSING TOWARDS?
It's IMPOSSIBLE to progress towards ANYTHING functional unless all of you have sat down and figured out a COMMON GOAL to progress towards. Seriously.
If you put two animals and yoke them to the front of a wagon, one pulls left and one pulls right, the wagon is NOT going to accomplish ANYTHING productive. You want to make progress into a "happy, content" life-then you guys need to get on the same road-whatever that road may be.
"Love As Thou Wilt"