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Old 05-02-2014, 03:49 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 6,262

I'm sorry this is hard and you struggle.

We were actively looking. Messed up thing was that he met her without me and slept with her that same night then told me the next evening. He was dishonest and I felt betrayed.
It sounds like he jumped ahead before you guys had made all your agreements solid. Not giving you much time/space to digest changes here. What is being done to heal the hurt/betrayal?

The 3 of us met and talked about it, they tried to convince me I'm acting out on something that happened.
Yes. You are responding to behavior that happened. He shared sex with someone he just met. Without checking in -- since you hadn't formed solid new agreements yet. Lack of consideration.

It sounds like a combo of pitfalls and poly hell.

They think I really should think and try to make it work.
What does that mean? They think you should be willing to stay? Your willingness belongs to YOU.

How does jumping the gun/not considering you make you EAGER to build polyship here with these two players at this point in time?

And what will they be contributing on their parts and/or changing in each of their behaviors to help make it work better in future and help heal hurts from this less than stellar start? Did they even say?

At this time? You have thought. You decided that this way of going isn't for you. You could agree to think for another week. NOt much difference between 8 and 9 weeks.

But if you know it's a hard limit (will never change) already and it isn't a soft limit that could change over time why spend MORE time? Just state your preference. Not for you, it is a hard limit and not a soft limit. You already know this.

It is not kind of them to be fussing at you over it because they don't like the answer.

I want the 2 of us again.
Fair enough. That is your preference at this point in time. Tell him so.

We don't need to have a 3rd person.
YOU don't need or want to have a 3rd person.

He might answer differently. So might she. But that doesn't matter. Stick to what you can control -- your own behavior. YOU are in charge of what you are willing to participate in or not.

If you no longer want to be in a triad or in a "V" you could let him know YOUR preference. You could ask for HIS preference at this time. If they line up, they line up and you return to a 2 people thing and move on to the work of healing from this experience. Maybe you revisit opening up later, with more skills and agreements better articulated. Maybe you are just done.

If they do not line up, and you want to be in a 2 people thing and he doesn't? Then you are no longer compatible because you want different things. You could break up with him and move on to the work of healing from this experience.

Hang in there.


Last edited by GalaGirl; 05-02-2014 at 04:17 PM.
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