So, if I'm reading right, you've moved away from a triad to a V, now?
And again, if I'm reading right, you see her as secondary because she's the new relationship and you're primary because you were first?
This can make things more tolerable. It may make things easier for your BF, if he's trying to balance only two relationships and not be triad-glue.
But I'd hesitate to assign hierarchical roles so quickly, and especially if I'm not the hinge. What he sees and feels is not necessarily going to be what you want to play out. He may want you and her to be co-primaries -- not necessarily living together, but sharing equally in time and attention (hopefully). Could you handle that? Or is it necessary to be "first"?
You do have the option of opting entirely of the relationship. What you can't do is take him with you, any more than you can force him to give her up. Ultimately, you can only make your own choices as you deal with the situation. They'll make theirs.
-- Kerry J. Renaissance
39 y/o female, married/bisexual/poly/pagan/disabled/fan
In a V with
- Liam, 52 y/o straight male (married, 14 years)
- Jai, 41 y/o bi male