Ah... I was under the impression that both men had said they weren't willing to talk with you about the situation. I'm glad to hear I misinterpreted what you were saying.
I'll agree to disagree with you about happiness being a compromise. I don't believe anyone's happiness should ever be something they have to give up or put aside as long as they aren't hurting others to gain it, but I realize not everyone feels that way.
People don't *have to* do anything in a poly situation, but sorting out *your* rules, comfort zone, etc. goes a whole lot easier if you're able to talk about it with the other people involved. Communication isn't a rule so much as a component of making a relationship work, and that applies whether it's a mono or poly relationship, in my opinion.
Short answer: You aren't crazy. Poly is more common than some people realize. But whether your *particular* situation can work is something only you and the other people involved can determine.
Me: 44, cis-het female, poly
Hubby: my husband, 42, monogamous
S2: my "attachment", male, 44, undetermined
Best Friend: male, 38, platonic; the one who keeps me sane through all this!
My daughters: Alt (age 19) and Country (age 16)
S2's sons: Spikes (age 9) and Beads (age 6)