"Happiness" at this point is a compromise. I have found over the last few years, that life is about compromise.
Michael and Jason are both talking and communicating with me. Jason more about this poly situation and what he is comfortable with, what he is uncomfortable with, etc. He has been very, very healthy in our conversations about how this would all work.
For Michael, it is what it is. We have talked briefly about the situation. He knows I am with Jason, and accepts that. He just doesn't want to hear about it. Will he ever get to the point of "healthy" if that means he has to talk about and communicate about what it means that I am in a relationship with another. I don't think so. So, that one may never be healthy if that is required.
But, are we happy together when we are together? Do we do things together, laugh, joke and have an amazing love life? yes. To me, that is healthy. Maybe it will blow up if Michael is just in denial. Maybe. I just see no need to throw this in his face that I am making love to another, and living with another. I don't see a need to hurt him like that. He already knows that is the case and has still accepted me as-is in his life, in the life where he is comfortable... we will see if it lasts.
Again, that is why I was wondering the rules. You say there are no rules, but then it appears that all people have to openly talk about and agree to terms, etc... that seems like a rule to me.
I reached out to this board simply because I was about to check myself into a mental hospital! I was driving myself crazy in thinking how did I end up in this situation. Maybe, I just wanted to hear it will be ok. That this is common, even though it is not common in my life or the people I am with. Maybe I just wanted reassurance I am not crazy and some pointers on how to get through this. Maybe, I wanted to be told that I am crazy and expecting too much... and should just abandon all of these crazy thoughts now and I do have to choose! I don't know...