Not to sound harsh, but it's too late now. You will never have your old life back. Now is the time for you to decide for YOU if you are truly wanting to love more than one or was this nothing but a sexual fantasy, played out without any communication to have a unicorn and thus as what I hear about unicorn hunters etc, it wasn't what you wanted. You wanted a third to be at both your beck and call...to placate each of you jointly, rather than develop an individual relationship.
When I first joined here and discovered poly, hub and I first thought a triad is exactly what we needed. I'd say within 30 minutes (yep pretty quick learner here) I realized how that was not truly going to float my boat nor hub's (he wanted a girl for triad, I wanted a man).
So now you either figure out how you can deal with poly hell (Gala Girl has awesome links to this), your insecurities coming out in the form of jealousy (usually it's abandonment issues but could also be self-esteem issues too) and if this was about polyamory (loving more than one) or just a sexual fetish gone wrong.