What more could I need? Time? Is that all it will take? Just getting used to this?
Get used to which behavior?
- Used to him dating Carla in general?
- Or him not respecting your limit that you don't want to hear about Carla? At all? Not just post sex but AT ALL? And he keeps on talking?
I know this is hard and it isn't funny like "haha" funny.
But I find it funny he says this
Ginger wonders how we can get my heart to feel better around this, to get in line with the simple poly principles my head understands and endorses.
and makes it a "we" thing when the simplest path to me is what "he" can do in his own
behavior: Stop talking to Mag about Carla.
But ok... "we project" then.
He does X, you do Y.
Lather rinse repeat.
I just don't know what I need, from Ginger, or from myself, or how much of it I need, to feel safe and valued again.
- Maybe having your limits and boundaries respected by Ginger?
- And when he crosses the line you could do the "lather, rinse, repeat" behavior?
"This is talking about Carla. We do not talk about Carla. Please respect my limit. You can talk about Carla with your pal ____."
Anything Carla-ish, that's your response. Lather, rinse, repeat.
While it can be boring and annoying, it's simple to execute. Play the broken record. That's less energy than trying to talk on and on. You are tired right now and don't have plenty energy to spend. Sometimes there is no compromise thing -- it's just limit reached.
To me it sounds like it is going to boil down to keeping and enforcing healthy boundaries with an Asperger person. Even if it takes longer for a "bee in the bonnet" to shoo longer than it would in a non-Asperger person. Part of the price of admission to date Ginger. He's Asperger and will have some of that play in to your interactions.
Hang in there.