I saw Ginger twice this week so far. Sunday and yesterday (Tuesday).
On the Saturday he and I had a hard talk online about this Carla stuff. Midday he turned off his chat. Meanwhile, miss pixi went off for her overnight with her Master, and I was alone on a Saturday night (cue sad love song). Took care of myself, was slightly depressed, but not terrible. Enjoyed the peace.
miss p returned Sunday while Ginger was here visiting me. We had a nice few hours together, he left. Monday miss p and I had errands to run, and also went shopping and out to lunch, a nice girls' day out. My back felt so much better despite all the hours in the car. It was encouraging.
Workers were busy putting a new roof on our house that day and yesterday morning. We had two areas of flood this winter, from above, leaking roof, from below, roots in an outlet pipe causing a flood and necessitating a full renovation of the finished basement. So, now basement is dry and new roof will keep melting ice out of our living room upstairs next winter. This adds to my much needed sense of security.
Tuesday, yesterday, miss p had to go out in the evening for a late dental appt in Boston. Ginger came over with some plants from his garden for me (he took some of my plants for his garden the other day). We had our usual brief chat, followed by lengthy satisfying sex (maybe too lengthy for my back, but the rest of me enjoyed it).
As we lay in afterglow, he said, "Maybe it's time to talk about Carla." And told me he'd had a one on one date with her on the previous Saturday. 3 days earlier she'd come to his cabin. And since this was their first one on one date since their feelings grew, he was happy to see the spark and connection is really there.
So, that night when he had his chat turned off, he was with Carla, while miss p was with Master, and I was alone with my book. He said, Carla's h, David, had put restrictions on what they could do... I don't know what they did or didn't do. I didn't dare ask. And since I didn't ask for more details, not feeling "allowed" to, or that I "should," I felt shut out. I felt a wall of disconnect and lessening of intimacy coming down between us. I also knew the option of knowing more, of maybe knowing ahead of time about their date, or knowing details of the date itself, would not probably have made me feel any better either.
I laid there quietly while he tried to parse my emotions. I blew it off, we got up and tended to the dog, then lit a fire, sat on the couch, played old Simon and Garfunkle vinyl albums, sang along some, diddled each other again some. On the surface, a romantic date. In my head and heart, emotions tussled and clawed at each other.
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley
me: Mags, 58, living with:
miss pixi, 37, who is dating (NRE):