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Old 04-15-2010, 08:02 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Canada
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Originally Posted by Irena View Post
I'm too new to polyamory to feel comfortable making definite pronouncements about myself, but I suspect I could be quite happy being either mono or poly.
I like to use the straight / gay / bi analogy of polyamory... some people are "straight" (can only be in monogamous relationships), some people are "gay" (can only be in polyamorous relationships) and some people are "bi" (can be in either poly or mono relationships).

I suspect that with the number of people out there who are raised in monogamous society and never really question it until they fall in love with someone who's poly, or else their partner discovers that they're poly, so they learn to swing the other way, that this "bisexual" analogy of poly is more common than we may be led to believe.

I think I fall into this camp, too. I don't feel like anything is "missing" in my marriage. When we met, I was vehemently poly and made it very clear that I would keep dating the people I was already dating. But when things got more serious, I was the one who decided to make it exclusive for an indeterminate amount of time, much to my partner's frustration, after he had gone through all the hard work of coming to terms with the idea of someone he loved being with someone else. But I wanted to take that time to focus on "us" and get our lives in sync, learn to communicate together, figure out what kind of lives we wanted to live together, and basically work our shit out, before going back to poly. Now, three years later, I feel like we've done that, we're well established, and it again feels comfortable to think of myself as poly. But if he would have announced that there was just no way he could handle it, I could definitely give up a poly lifestyle. I'm just glad he didn't make me choose.. I despise ultimati (ultimatums?)
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.
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