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Old 04-15-2010, 07:44 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Canada
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Originally Posted by mittin View Post
Consequently there is a huge confidence problem I'm trying to get over since she is seeing another person. I am scared that I won't be able to find anybody to love me or be sexual with, while she is out having fun and having sex! I suppose this is a kind of jealousy, but I don't know how I can get over this. I think I just need to get myself out there and meet people and what have you.
Technically, this is "envy" not "jealousy" ... jealousy is fear of losing her (which you may also have, but that's not this), whereas envy is wanting what she has. Either way, in terms of how to deal with it, You nailed it.

I like to approach this problem the same way I would approach being single and being envious of my friends having girlfriends. It's more important to take care of yourself rather than worrying about what she has that you don't have. People are attracted to confidence. Women are like wolves in that they smell your fear and desire. If they sense that you "need" them, they're walk away... or worse, figure out how to use that to manipulate you.

I see now that this has turned into a ramble, so I'm sorry. I suppose I just need to know that I'm not alone in this, and that I'll make it through.
You're not in this alone. It may be difficult and will undoubtably require a lot of reflection, communication, and soul-searching on your part. The result will be a growth of character and experience. Even if she turns out to be a raging dyke or you turn out to be completely monogamous and can't handle being in a poly relationship, those experiences will give you valuable tools for the future.

It was #2 on my google too.
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.
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