Struggling this week. I was feeling much better. Happy entertaining myself, getting stuff accomplished, goodness. Then Hubby is spending the night with Lady, while I'm spending the night with Boy. We have regular check-ins planned working around their plans. No problem... Until... Hubby makes it 100% clear that as soon as he hangs up the phone, he's going back in the room to fuck Lady. I know they're sexual, I know they're going to have sex, I expect that to happen. I DO NOT WANT TO BE MADE AWARE DURING THE ACT. Period.
So, it's been arguments, and crying, and distance, and weirdness all week. Because he knew I was upset and therefore spent much of the rest of his time with her moping. Which upset/scared her.
So, Lady and I are still attempting to work on the things together that we've agreed to. Hubby and I are attempting to work through his constant boundary breaking (which has included me feeling zero desire for any sort of physical intimacy and forcing myself to give him kisses and hugs so he doesn't freak out). Boy is being Boy, and pulls away right when I could really use someone to listen. Just listen. I don't expect him to come over and comfort me when I'm upset. I don't expect him to do anything, really, but asking me what's going on when he knows I've been stressed and upset for days would be nice. Oh, well.
Yarn has been awesome, but she's going through her own stuff, so I don't want to bother her much with my issues.
Another friend has been trying to hang out lately, but our transportation is awkward so we haven't been able to figure it out. Everyone else is just going about their own lives... Checking in occasionally, but never really seeming interested/available enough for me to open up. I need to focus more energy on finding more (or better) friends.
I'm also starting my new job today. Additional stress and sadness at leaving the place I'm at now. Gr.