Thread: Early-stage V
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Old 04-15-2010, 07:15 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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My first reaction is, there is some contradiction in what you say...

Originally Posted by Irena View Post
He tells me she keeps bringing up concerns [...] that I'll eventually want him to be exclusive with me.
It seems [...] that ultimately, it's going to come down to either her or me.
Originally Posted by Irena View Post
So I started seeing a guy a few months ago -- he's polyamorous and very up-front about it. When we met he had a girlfriend, but she broke up with him very shortly afterward. So he's been single, and heartbroken, and also seeing me and another woman. At the beginning it was very clearly a rebound, casual thing with both of us, with very little expectation that anything would develop, but as he's started to get over his ex and begin to think about forming new relationships, the question arises: what place do we each have in his life?
It's very possible that she only ever "signed up" for "a rebound, casual thing" and does not want to take it any further than that. She's dating "several" guys, which implies to me that she's probably not looking for anything serious at this point in her life.

Frankly, just because two people like the same person does not mean those two people will click as friends. You can't force someone to like you. It doesn't sound like she's being rude or trying to sabotage your relationship with him, and sometimes that's all you can hope for.

*shrug* I guess I'm just a little skeptical about forcing the "I want us to all be a big happy family" type of poly. For some people, usually older people (no offence LR and RP *wink*), it seems to work out that way. But they've been through the trenches, had lots of different kinds of poly relationships, and settled on what works for the long term now that they have kids and the whole package. But people like you and me are young and we've still got lots of exploring to do. Why do you feel you need to pin down exactly what "kind" of poly relationships you're going to have in the future? Life works out a lot smoother if you just live for the Now and let the future unfold as it will.
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.
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