Without a partner's knowledge and consent, it is cheating. And cheating is based on lies, unethical, and NOT POLYAMORY.
When I was young and naive, I gave in to being a secret mistress of married, lying cheaters a few times. While there can be a rush and thrill to have these clandestine affairs, the situation takes its toll on you with all the hiding, lying, and guilt, and is ultimately unsatisfying.
No matter how much the chemicals in your brain tell you that you must be with someone and how overwhelmingly compatible you imagine yourselves to be, if their partner must be betrayed and lied to in order for you to be with them, they are NOT for you. That is bullshit you tell yourself to justify getting what you want, even though you know you shouldn't go there. Don't let yourself be tempted. If your love interest wants to open his or her marriage, it could be a process of a year or two before they are even ready. Respect their relationship by looking elsewhere.
Last edited by nycindie; 04-29-2014 at 12:44 AM.