Originally Posted by LovingRadiance
One of the key parts of growing and maturing is learning to take responsibility for only OUR issues, not other people's.
KT-respect is something that is due to everyone. Seriously-if we ALL treated others with respect and consideration-the whole world would be a better place!
Unfortunately the large majority of people have no clue how to put that concept into practice.
As some of you know through PM I am KTs husband's gf. KT thought it was somehow dishonest to stay anonymous with everyone else-although it is the point of screennames -but I will just put it out there. Because we are working through this latest miscommunication amongst the three of us and with our relationship counselor I am not going to go thru the whole thread and answer or rebutt everything. Suffice it to say I will answer any questions anyone has about what happened yesterday. I am poly, my husband who is mono struggles with my articulating and exploring this lifestyle but he has been accepting. Not excited or in agreement but accepting. I love my husband. We have had a turbulent couple of years. We have 4 children who we adore. I have no intentions of "stealing" anyones husband. I could not live with KT and her husband. I have told her that on numerous occassions. I have been very active in trying to build a good relationship with KT, including meeting for coffee, or tea, inviting her out for Girls Night, or a movie, or dinner or attending jewelry making classes with her, or walking (as in exercise)... whatever outside avenue I could think of so that she would feel more at ease with me; and we could build our relationship with out hubby/bf in the way. I call. I text...yes even supportive texts when she has some anxiety. I stickup for when her husband is being a pigheaded ass. I am not the kind that will sit and take bs from anyone. If I have a problem with you or something you say/do, I will go directly to the source. Yes, sometimes I swear. I work with men it is an occupational hazzard. However, I am also a very hardworking, nurturing, fun-loving, confident woman and enjoy every aspect of life. Sometimes that may be intimidating but I have embraced the relationship with KT and her husband as I do everything...with all of my heart. What everyone is forgetting on here is that I am not and have NEVER asked to be "outed" as his gf...just a friend. I have not asked for a specific time but I would like to move forward in building this thing. I want them to be part of my circle of family/friends. WTF is the point of loving someone if you can't share things? I have asked KT to help me build this. I have never demanded anything. I have said quite strongly that I am here to stay. I am in love with KTs husband as much as I am with my own. I have grown to trust him in ways that I have never allowed myself to trust another. We have a serious bond that may not be "primary" but is certainly as significant. He has the capacity to love us both equally, so I am not a fan of the whole "primary/secondary " labels. The friends/family thing is a natural progression. I don't expect it to be tomorrow but I do expect it at some not too distant future. I am a planner/make-it-happen kind of person. Patience is not one of my virtues but I have in this case been very patient. But for the record, I am not the person that brought the subject up. She became anxious about this all on her own for whatever reason. I actually tried to calm her down. Then I get the barrage of texts at 8am yesterday morning because I posted here. I answered them calmly at first but as they got snippier and the posts on here had some skewed more than a little exaggerated spin to them, I began to answer her. I am hoping that is the end of the nastygrams because while it is important to vent, it is also important to give both sides of the story if you want GOOD and INFORMED advice. Respect starts with respecting yourself. Respect should not be demanded but is earned, as is trust.
Today was a lot better. We have called a truce so to speak. We are seeking outside help to mediate the misunderstandings. I hope it works. In the meantime, I need advice on how to handle two monos, and a poly who isn't comfortable talking/building a relationship with my mono and vice versa. Any questions feel free to post them or PM me. Thanks.
KT I hope you understand I am posting this because you need to know I am committed to making this work.
Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG
This is my immediate and emotional response. I am probably full of crap:
"full of crap" may be a bit harsh but not too far off.