You mentioned going through the NVC inventory together -- what did you come up with? My guess would be things under the connection and meaning categories (compassion, to matter, stability) -- does that fit?
From the needs list, the needs Ginger was no longer meeting for me with yet another new potential partner on his plate, were:
to be understood
However, he has needs for these (which he finds by pursuing other relationships):
celebration of life
It's not that he is an out of control lecherous NRE junky, necessarily. Lust is there, but it's just a part of it. He really seems to like to get to know women, admire them, even worship the female deity within each, if you want to get spiritual about it.
I kept saying, with all these women coming through a sort of revolving door, I don't feel special. And he couldn't tell me I was special to him. Finally he did say I was important to him, and that fit for the kind of affirmation I needed.
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley
The single biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place. --Shaw
me: Mags, female, pansexual, 59, loving and living with
miss pixi, female, pansexual, 37