Originally Posted by Magdlyn
Well, for one thing, I am probably triggered back to the memory of when my ex h and I opened our marriage and he and our unicorn fell for each other....
I truly believe, from this post and your blog, that this, history repeating itself type of fear, is why Ginger's activities outside his wife, you and miss p is a big part of not feeling any joy in your relationship with him; whereas with miss p...her dates, subbyboy and now master are not causing you any grief.
Let's put it this way: Do you fear miss p ditching you for another woman? Do you fear Ginger ditching you for another woman? And when I say "ditch" I mean, the relationship is over, null and void. It's where my mind has been drifting to while reading you (your blog).
And, you are poly, yet it seems the life adjustment changes with the friend's suicide, the move, the unexpected curve balls thrown at you, just has not given you time to acclimate to your new world. and I can relate...and I don't even have anyone, really, outside of bassman. All these triggers, stressors, need for just extra self time but that only seems to happen when illness comes around. Which f'ing sucks the big teet!
It's like wild orchid's husband where I had to just say to him, via text, I no longer want to know any thing about you and I will be telling bassman I want zero knowledge of your issues with him seeing your wife. I got sucked into another's insecurity, which didn't help me at all with my own. Since that day I have been so much happier about all this poly stuff. And that might be what you need from Ginger...no more information about anyone unless it deals with safe sex issues. The honesty of telling you: "i had sex with x and we did use protection" or "i had sex with y we did not use protection".
Curious...before your move was Ginger actively seeking other girlfriends via okc but just never had a connection that moved beyond messaging there? I ask my curious question because if he had been, then his behavior is "same as it always was"...it (the dating or trying to date) just wasn't as in your face as it is now when...the "expectation" that by moving much closer you'd get more face time, more one on one time, not "same as it always has been". Now if this whole trying to date only started after the move....could inquire of him what inside him triggered this desire for more?
And as you know, even if we're adults, any time we're told "no", what do we do, we do what we were told "no". Is it possible you've somehow told Ginger that "no" and it's creating something within him that he now desires more than he had before you moved?
Hugs and I know you've been hurting and it's not going to magically resolve itself...your unhappiness....in one day or night but possibly take more time for yourself to find happiness within? I know I've needed that and I feel so much better on the path my life is heading...married, poly and single-trying to date single.