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Old 04-27-2014, 03:10 AM
willowstar willowstar is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 122

Hi Magdlyn

Sorry to hear you are going through this. I can relate, but for different reasons. My boyfriend and I have been having a challenging time as he is going through depression right now. He is not available to me, we barely chat or see each other, and he is really unable to participate in our relationship at all. I miss him terribly and am trying to learn how to cope while he seeks treatment. I am hoping he can get better soon.

We also have always shared everything with each other. Not having that is so hard, the thought that we may not be able to get that back hurts so much. He knows I am hurting but really can't even say that he loves me most days or even say he wants to be in relationship with me. He can only say he is sorry but it will not change until he gets back on his meds. Even then we don't know what it will look like.

So, what I am doing to cope is to work every day to accept that this is just where he is right now. I am trying hard to not take it as personal rejection, and to focus on my kids and my husband and my work. I send him texts that say I Love You with no expectation that I will get one in return. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't.

For me, it is an exercise in Unconditional Love... I am truly giving him my love with no expectation of getting anything in return. It is new and different, to say the least!!

I do agree with Nycindie that Ginger dating seems to bother you more then miss pixie. I wonder if this could be a carry over of the difference in how we think of women dating vs men dating? As a woman, you being newly single and exploring your sexuality must have felt very empowering (even if it was not your initial preference). Sexually active dating women being sexy and powerful vs sexually active dating men being selfish dogs? Perhaps exploring your feelings about men who "date around" would help you work through it? Just something that occurred to me, FWIW.

Wish you peace.

Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming... ~ Dori

Willow ~ 47yo bi poly woman, married to Bear for 20 years
Bear-59 yo maybe poly/maybe mono straight man, still feeling it out
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