Thread: a lil help
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Old 04-26-2014, 09:43 AM
InfinitePossibility InfinitePossibility is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 651

Originally Posted by pillowsock View Post
To clarify some of the questions people asked, we do hook up with other people some times, I just don't like the way it makes me feel knowing that she's doing so. I'm sure she feels similar about me.
[QUOTE=pillowsock;265434] My reasoning for wanting our relationship to be poly probably is more of a reaction against monogamy rather than a desire for polyamory [QUOTE]

I wonder if your feeling shit when your girlfriend hooks up with others and your view of polyamory as an escape from monogamy are linked.

I think that there is a big difference between a person doing something because it is what they want to do and doing something because it's an escape from something else.

I reckon that difficulties and worries are easier to deal with for the person who is doing something that they want to do. Harder for folks who are doing something as an escape.

I do not like the control/restrictiveness of monogamous relationships. I see polyamory as an alternative to this. Potentially, a way to be with the person I am in love with long term without having our other needs/desires stifled.
The notion that a relationship structure can provide freedom while a different sort of structure can provide restriction is one that I just don't understand. The structure of a relationship cannot do either of those things - they happen because of the people in the relationships.

For me, things are clearer when I think about what I do want out of life than they are when I spend time thinking about what I don't want.

I think that it is easier also to spend time and effort working to get what I do want than working to escape what I don't want.

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