I think we really need some good blog areas on this site.
Husband is with J tonight while I am here at home. Normally I find a way to keep busy so I don't dwell. Most of you know my story by now. For those that don't here is a quick run through...
This all started when I found out my husband had fallen in love and cheated with a coworker. It was a terrible time but instead of giving up I fought and we realized that he needed a poly relationship and if I was going to keep him then I had to give this to him. I also found out through all our talking that she is not the first he cheated with, just the first one he fell in love with. The others were one night stands but along the way of trying to be an asshole he fell in love with one of his flings and the shit hit the fan. This is a woman I knew, had had threesomes with and was beginning to consider a friend. It has been two months since everything has come out. I am learning to accept his poly lifestyle. I still have freakouts and melt downs but I have read so much on communication and other peoples stories. I have even found a few friends on here that I really value their opinions. My husband and I are working very hard on our marriage and I know he feels horrible for the times he was unfaithful. He is honest in everything he does for me, or at least I work very hard to trust him. He makes it difficult not to now actually because he is constantly calling, texting or telling me face to face everything he does.
Tonight he is out with his girlfriend. This is after a long discussion we had last night about how our relationship is going. They are usually together about once or twice a week and often text each other. J is also married and she and her husband are both poly. We all have kids and have met each other. I have become friends with her again after trying to shut her out of my life completely when I found out they had cheated and broken the rules of the threesomes.
I guess I am more just talking here than having a problem. I like to get things out by typing sometimes and getting others thoughts. Last week was a nightmare that got progressively worse.
On Tuesday he was suppose to be with J but things didn't work out. Her husband got called off of work and if that happens she has to cancel plans with her. I know he was disappointed but I think he didn't handle things right when he came home all upset and went to sleep without talking to me. And he knows he did, apologized later. The next day he had an unexpected night with her because they had a fight and he went over to her place to make up. I do ask him to give me fair notice so that if I am having a bad day I can put myself in a good place somehow. Well that didn't happen. It was a last minute thing and I was still in a mood for how he had come home the night before.
Thursday was a night where she came over here so that the three of us could have some time together so she and I could build a stronger bond. I am trying very hard to be good friends with her. After all we have a someone very special in common. But I was so built up over the last two days that while I put on a face I was stressed and felt very inferior and intimidated. Then husband and I usually have a very intimatie kinky night to ourselves the day after they are together or three of us are together and that is very important to me. Helps me remind me that I still have a place in there right now. Hopefully I won't always be so needy for this night. But we didn't. We got busy with life. Saturday we fought over the events from the week. Sunday was all travel and more dramatics, melt downs, freak outs and fighting.
This week is better. I have gotten out and enjoyed the weather and exercised and increased my endorphins A very big thing for me. I couldnt cope with this without my exercise or my daughter. Tonight is their night and I just wanted to get on here for some comfort and company so I hope no one minds my rambling. It is hard not to focus on the fact that they are together tonight. I don't want it to kill my good spirits that I have had this week.
How do the monos handle the quiet nights? Poly's how do your partners deal with it.
I am totally mono. I am learning this new life so that my husband can feel free to be himself without feeling restricted and that he has to hide from me. I am just feeling lonely tonight as I usually do. Will I always feel this on edge and antsy. Does this ever ease? I want to say I am doing better than I use to but it has only been two months and I have yet to go two weeks without crying over it.
Any thoughts or opinions would be great. Thanks.