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Old 04-25-2014, 10:30 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GalaGirl View Post
He thinks he isn't polysaturated, you think he is.

Could sidestepping that whole thing and focusing more on your needs rather than his "polysaturated-ness" yield more productive conversation? For instance...
  • Is he aware that your needs for stability, balance, and being understood are not being met?
  • Can he repeat back what he understands your needs are accurately to you?
  • Can he repeat back what you would like in his behavior to help meet those needs?
Well, you know, Gala Girl, I am trained in responsive listening skills, doing it and requesting others to communicate in that style with me as well. We used that wonderful list of needs and feelings here:https://www.cnvc.org/Training/feelings-inventory yesterday when chatting online. I think it helped him to see lists of needs and feelings, what needs he is meeting by all this dating, what I am feeling since he is shaking our world up every 2 months with a new romantic interest.

But then he'll say, "I am sad. I havent got my surgery date yet, and I feel sad that Carla and David need to work things out, worried our relationship will never get anywhere."

So what am I supposed to say then? It's a struggle to not get all sarcastic and say, "Oh, poor baby, wants to go fuck someone and her hubby wubby won't let you. Poor poor baby."

I mean, it's only been 2 weeks. He's all moony and wishes he could jump in the sack with her right now. I know how he is. And she seems very much of the same mind. So the big bad husband and gf feel strange about this sudden infatuation? Tough shit. Their "love" overrides all else. NRE for the win!
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Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

me: Mags, 59, living with:
miss pixi, 37
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