View Single Post
Old 04-25-2014, 10:12 PM
Magdlyn's Avatar
Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
Posts: 6,398

Originally Posted by GreenAcres View Post
Well, if he's diagnosed Asperger's, there's some definite possible issues. By definition, they cannot feel empathy. He cannot put himself in your shoes emotionally They do not generally do well with suggestions or hints, and while no one is a mind-reader, Aspie folks are even less so. They usually have difficulties with facial expressions, body language, tonal implications, etc. It's not that he's overlooking your emotions, desires, etc. It's that he literally doesn't know they exist, and will have difficulty prioritizing them once he does. Not because he's a bad person, but because that's his hardwiring.
Yes, I understand what being Asperger's means. In fact, my father is on the spectrum. Ginger is, his wife is, and their 2 sons are. I have been with him for over 2 years, he is 61 years old.

Thing is, he feels less Aspie than he did 15 years ago. He tells me he became more neurotypical over time. He may not read body language or take hints the way NTs do, but he loves to cuddle, eye gaze and have sex as often as possible.

The upshot is that it's likely you'll just have to be very, very direct and blunt, which is what most Asperger's folks find the most comfortable form of communication.
Right. We have had several hours long talks about all this. Believe me, I have no trouble in being blunt. I am your typical New Yorker, I am not into innnuendo or passive aggressiveness. I know what I want and I say what I mean.

Honestly, it's also worth exploring whether poly is something he'll be able to handle overall. Many folks with Asperger's have significant issues maintaining healthy romantic relationships with even one person, because they lack...
Ginger has been with his wife for over 25 years and they have been poly all that time, although she chooses not to date. She is more Aspie than he is, more introverted.
I am not saying stop the poly, just that it is worth considering he may have challenges that may make it more difficult than it otherwise might be, and that addressing those head on in plain, direct ways as soon as possible might help.
Thanks. I will continue to be blunt, while trying to not literally hit him over the head.
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

Mags (poly, F, 62)
Pixie (poly, F, 40) together since 2009
My bf Kahlo (single, poly-friendly, M, 45) since August 2017
Master, (mono, M, 36), Pixie's bf for 3+ years
Reply With Quote