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Old 04-25-2014, 03:00 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
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I'm glad your sex share went well. I'm glad you are trying to be realistic and consider where next steps might go.

Quote:
So I see that being an issue or a possible issue if we are all living under one roof. I can see my love for my wife staying strong and not faltering but I will no longer be able to give full attention to her as I give some attention to this other woman. And as time passes, I would feel more comfortable showing more and more affection to the other woman.
That's not a "problem" to me. That is a realistic assessment of what could happen when you all live under one roof. It's in yo' face. You have neither physical distance or psychological distance from it. And that's part of the price of admission to co-habitating rather than dating and living separately -- having to talk and deal with how to handle all that as dating partners IN ADDITION to all the "roomie" stuff people have to sort out with each other.

You'd be many things to each other -- spouses, lovers, friends, roomie, and you are also worrying about co-parenting. It's GOOD that you are trying to articulate expectations for each of those things you might be to each woman IF you go there.

Could remember it is not just you but also works the other ways:
  • Your wife could give YOU less attention because she's spending some of her time on the other woman. SHE would feel more comfortable and you would have to deal with witnessing their PDA. (You up for this?)
  • The other woman would have to deal with you and wife spending time together. She would be dealing with witnessing you and wife PDA, etc. (You up for this? )

Welcome to the polymath.

My advice? Don't be in a rush to move in. You shared sex recently -- let the emotional "whee!" that can stir up from that die down some before making major Life Decisions like co-habitating and helping to raise kids.

One does not RUSH into those kinds of decisions. Spend more time together first. Maybe save up to take a vacation together and rent a cabin or something for a month to try it on before making a big commitment. You get a look at how you all work together toward one goal, deal with money, deal with being under one roof, etc. Take several "previews!"

Quote:
I guess I am mainly looking for any tips or things to watch out for as we start down this road.
I'd keep an eye on the other 2 - if either keep pushing for "live together" and doesn't want to wait -- it could be a bad case of New Relationship Energy (NRE), hidden motives, emotional reasoning, unrealistic expectations or failing to understand that what 1 person wants or what 2 persons want is not what ALL 3 of the persons want.

Don't start a triad based on the thrill of one sex share. That's not a solid foundation. Take TIME.

Maybe these pages help?

http://www.kathylabriola.com/article...-live-together

Then more info:
http://www.practicalpolyamory.com/do...documents.html
http://www.kathylabriola.com/articles

I'm sure other people could post more links.

Keep in mind you really haven't even gotten started here. It's friendship, with one sex share. I know right now things are caught up in the cozy, but make time/space to talk about how to break up IF it breaks up. Will it go back to her single and you two married? Or everyone down to single if it breaks up? Still friends or not?

What sort of open model are you trying to practice together? Does everyone agree? What are each of your boundaries? You are going to try this one for how long? With option to "renew" and keep going? Is this a triad? Or a "V" with one of you at the hinge? Or just sex play partners? What does each person want to be?

Take TIME sorting it out. There are long conversations to be having. And in the having -- you get to know each other more fully.

Nobody has committed to anything even "dating" here yet. A successful public threesome is not automatically a successful triad. Maybe in the dating you all discover it more naturally wants to be a "V" -- or that a triad IS what it wants to be. Or maybe not even -- all it was destined to be was a good threesome. Nothing wrong with that either.

But you all could date first. Find this stuff out.

You got caught up in the heat of the moment -- had a good experience. For it to lead to DATING -- ok.

For it to jump to living together and pooling all resources -- no.

Galagirl

Last edited by GalaGirl; 04-25-2014 at 04:02 PM.
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