So the saga continues. BF has confided in my spouse about whats going on in the marriage, which I thought was fine and good they are so close. but HUbs ended up telling me not to expect them to divorce and that I need to get over my loathing of the wife and accept that he wants to stay with her despite how badly she treats him and that they currently have no relationship. I talked with him (BF) and he said he wants something back with her eventually...a little bit of romance and sexually connection...I told him as his primary now (which we both agree I am outside sharing finances) it would be extremely difficult to watch him connect with someone I spent over an year bolstering him up while she destroyed him. He didn't get that.
This was her opportunity to reinstall boundaries and back off but the Op was unable to keep out of her ex boyfriend's marriage.