we do hook up with other people some times, I just don't like the way it makes me feel knowing that she's doing so. I'm sure she feels similar about me.
How does it make you feel?
Let me repeat that back so I know I got it.
- You share sex with X. (Do you enjoy this share?)
- She thinks about you sharing sex with X. She feels yucky.
- She shares sex with Y. (Does she enjoy this share?)
- You think about her sharing sex with Y. You feel yucky.
Why share sex with others like this then -- casual hook ups? Is it so awesome y'all want to put yourselves through this yucky?
It's ok to wait to find a poly partner and be a "polyship of 2" for a while. You could be single and still be "poly" -- it isn't the # of lovers that makes you polyamorous.
I do not like the control/restrictiveness of monogamous relationships. I see polyamory as an alternative to this. Potentially, a way to be with the person I am in love with long term without having our other needs/desires stifled.
Set aside "relationship shape" for a moment. If you listed your wants and needs
in a relationship, what would they be?