I am feeling so blessed to have found this website. All of you have been absolutely wonderful with your advice and your lack of judgement. I hope that if this relationship works that one day I can help someone else who is in a similiar situation to mine like all of you.
To keep everyone updated: I have since last posting specifically asked him why he loves me. It was nice to hear and long overdue, I had forgotten why he was with me in the first place.
I am going to go find the list of books that Loving Radience has suggested tomorrow and I'm going to visit the website that has been recommended several times now as soon as I am done posting this.
I am going to focus on myself (but only for the time being) I am going to do a lot of soul searching to discover the deep down reason for why seeing them together hurts, I am going to figure out my expectations and what I want this relationship to be like. I am going to work on me as an individual (how can I be a part of a relationship, especially a triad, if I don't feel like I know me anymore?) Then I am going to work on my communication skills with both of them seperately and then all three of us together.
To answer someone's question (can't remember who) yes we have seperate times together. Him and I have a night and him and her have a night. But perhaps she and I need a night as well. A good point was made about me needing to love her more. And I need some time for myself. No significant others, no kids, and I'm not going to let myself sit around and be bored and miserable turning this time I am going to try and use it constructively to work on figuring out what makes me happy.
Again, I cannot thank all of you enough. Especially you Loving Radience and Grounded Spirit, you two have been with me from the beginning of this and I feel like (god this is going to sound lame) like I have found two people who could really be my friends and who really care about what I am going through.
Sometimes not having people to talk to can be very difficult. I don't know anyone who is in a polyamorous relationship and sometimes I just can't talk to the people I am with. (which I am going to work on). Its just great beyond words to have somewhere to go.
I'll let everyone know how things go as they happen.