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Old 04-23-2014, 11:00 PM
PolyinPractice PolyinPractice is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 519

Originally Posted by MelinaJ View Post
Me and Dan are engaged and have been together for 6 years. I have had prior non-monogamous relationships; but in this relationship I have been poly for only the last 6 months after months of communicating to Dan - who is definitely mono. Basically, Dan will be preparing for the MD exam and has asked me not to go out with other men during a 2 month period while he is studying for the exam 10-12 hours a day, 7 days a week.
I think this absolutely ridiculous and I feel he is being selfish and petty. His logic is simple, he is still adjusting to me being with other men and each incident is stressful and painful; studying for the exam is stressful enough and having me spend the night out or just dating will be adding to his stress. I object for a few reasons, 1) I think it will be unfair and likely deal breaking to any man that I am regularly seeing at that time 2) I am going to be under more pressure during that time as well as I take on more of the household duties and deal with his unavailability basically he is removing an emotional outlet for me .
I think it is a manipulation but I wonder if perhaps I am wrong?? Thoughts.
You say you've been "poly." Just how "poly" are you? Because that really makes all the difference. If you're mostly casually dating; accepting OKCupid dates, etc. I don't think it's unreasonable to take a stop from dating (bear in mind, if you HAVE started dating someone, and it's brand new, they're not likely to sit around waiting for you for two months).

On the other hand, if you do have a serious relationship (which you've given no indication of in your post, but maybe you just didn't mention), I would say it's definitely NOT cool. I would not mind giving a metamour extra time with a certain partner (especially if s/he were their only partner), but I wouldn't be okay with NO contact for two months.

I think it's best to not do a blackout, but to be extra sure you're giving him the time he needs during this stressful period.
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