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Old 04-14-2010, 08:25 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 5,510

Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post
Yes, I need physical contact with people in general (I'm human) but I always worry when I see people "need" someone specific or say they "couldn't live without" that person. It tells me they're missing something inside themselves and trying to fill it with another person.
It's funny that you say that. Maca used to ask me questions (often) that were lead in's to try and get me say something along those lines. I would tell him that if he died tomorrow I would....... (enter 1 of a million examples here) and it would TWEAK him.
He felt insecure. He found his security in the idea that if I didn't NEED him, then I didn't love him and wouldn't stay with him.
BUT that's SO not true.

I never think about leaving him. Even when I feel like the best thing I could do is leave-which has crossed my mind, I NEVER want to.

At the same time, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I don't NEED him in order to live. I would be sad if I wasn't with him, but I would live and I would thrive, just like I will live and I will thrive with him.

GG and I often talk about "alternate futures". We both (and his mother too actually) have dreamt of alternate futures for ourself.
Not like "oh I wish it were like this instead". One for me is that I live in Italy. One for him is him living in New York-alone, in an apartment there, an author.
It's not so much a HOPE.
We're both VERY happy with the life choices we've made.
It's just another OPTION that could have been. Some of them I dream, wake up and think THANK GOD that isn't REALLY my life. Because as interesting as it is-it's not what I want NOW in my life.
If I lost Maca, I would be moved into creating an alternate future than the one I envision. I do NOT want to do that-but if the choice were taken from me, I would do that.

I LOVE having his arms around me. I LOVE curling up on my right side, feeling his body wrapped around behind me. I LOVE having GG's arms around me, I LOVE curling up on my left side, feeling his body wrapped around behind me.
(yes I actually do sleep opposite with them and on the opposite side of the bed too, always been like that, don't know exactly why, it just fits.)

But need.... I don't NEED that. It simply makes me a little happier and more content when I have it.
"Love As Thou Wilt"
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